Stay.

Let my dark be a canvas that displays my light.
Let the nights spent contemplating leaving, be the proof
that the world will keep spinning no matter how much
pain I am in, because those nights always
turned into morning, and those mornings always
held more hope than the preceding hours.

Those nights were only my personal aphelion, my
furthest distance from the light. But the orbit always
continues.

My darkness is not eternity, it is merely
an eclipse. Merely one temporary
thing obscuring the light.
My darkness is not eternity.
My darkness will end.
Just as it has ended before.
My darkness will always have an end.

So when I’m stuck in seemingly empty,
dark expanses of confusion or depression, I
will let my light draw constellations on my
canvas of darkness.
I will remember that I am not alone in it.
I will remember there is one here with me who
has put enough light inside me to
create galaxies.

Let my dark be the canvas for my light.
Let the nights I spent trying to die, only
further illuminate the miracle of how far
I have progressed from that place.

I am not only my darkness.
I am every bit of life that shines brighter
because of my darkness.

~~~~~

September 8th-14th is Suicide Prevention Week. I write because I have wrestled with these demons too and I know they don’t have to win. I know there are better things. I know my wounded healer bears scars much deeper and much more powerful than my own. I know things can change and get better. But if your progression hasn’t quite yet reached a point of stability, I want you to know you are safe here. Let my voice join with the countless others who are asking you to stay. To hold on to the possibility that life may surprise you yet. There is still a place for you here. There is still salvation and redemption to be found in the grace of a God who will meet you in your darkest places. There is still a place for you here. Stay.

 

If you need help.
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